


Graffiti

by WonFrog



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27067330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonFrog/pseuds/WonFrog
Summary: Chankyun's life is a mess. Loneliness. Excessive demand. Blackout. Failure. Frustration overcomes him as he smeared on a wall in a side street. When he comes back a few days later someone has defaced his graffiti with a message.[trigger warning: panic attack, suicide]
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon
Kudos: 15





	Graffiti

~Changkyun~  
Silence, although I'm walking on one of the largest streets of Seoul. All the cars and people are moving but the only thing I perceive is this disturbing beep sound in my ears. This beep sound, that never left my ear since... No, I need other thoughts. In pure despair I started humming a melody. The melody that the little music box in my room made. It's 2 a.m. and i should be at home. But i don't want to be at home. It's cold and silent there. Every time I enter my apartment I feel so much emptiness.  
The beep sound is louder than ever. Today was too much. Even if I wanted to, I wasn't able to cry. I felt nothing except emptiness, endless emptiness inside of me. As I looked up after a while of randomly walking through the city, I found myself on a side street. It was dark. The only light comes from the street I walked along before. Next to me I saw something that reflected the light and as I came closer I recognized a spray can.  
Laughing. I became louder with every paint blotch on the house wall in front of me. I completely lost myself in this graffiti even if I can't describe what I did or what I tried to paint. My head was empty and so was this drawing - and the spray can too, so I threw the can away. I still laughed. I fell on my knees put my hands on the ground and my laughing turned into loud crying. Desperation overcomes me.  
"How long?" I whimpered.  
"Please tell me how long do I have to suffer?" I screamed into the darkness. My fist hit the ground multiple times. The sound? Still not perceptible in my ears. I felt the inside of my ears vibrating but nothing came into my head. I stayed like this for a few minutes until I managed to calm down. I wiped away my tears and decided to go home - even if I don't want to be there.  
6 a.m. I felt the vibrations of my phone which managed to wake me up at the same time for 3 years now. I took my medicine, walked in the bathroom and took a quick shower. I explored my body while showering. And I really liked to touch my body, it felt good. It was warm. The hot drops on my skin was the only thing my body felt at this moment. I started humming this song again. It's the only song I know. And it never failed to calm me down.  
I left the house after I dressed up and ate some breakfast. My mood was completely different from yesterday. I walked to the office and did my job, like I did for 2½ year now. My doctor said it's important to have a regular daily schedule, so I tried my best. Paperwork. So much paper was on my desk. But I managed to do all of it until my shift was over. No one tried to talk to me like always. I am alone even if there are more than 100 other people at this company. Nobody wants to be with me or even talk to me. I can relate. I wouldn't talk to myself as well.  
I tried my best at the company and worked hard every day. But outside of work I was so desperate. I have no friends, no relationship, no family, not even a pet or something I can talk to. Sometimes I wonder if I have forgotten how to speak. But I talked to myself at home to remember the basics. Every day was the same. Waking up, go to work, go back home and sleep. It was tiring. I thought about ending my life multiple times. Sometimes I dream of commit suicide and I even tried it a few times. But I wasn't able to do it.  
It was one of this days again. I forgot to take my antidepressiva and found myself walking through the city. Lost in my thoughts again. My thoughts were so fucking loud I couldn't even notice the things around me. Maybe I bumped into some people but I didn't care. Beeping in my ear. Loud as fuck. Traffic lights shining into my face. I was completely overwhelmed by all this things around me. I turned to the left and ended up in the same side street like a few days ago.  
I looked up at the wall and saw what I did the last time. I couldn't even remember one thing of this graffiti. It seemed like someone else did it. But I'm pretty sure I did it because of those details only I could know or draw. I placed my hand on the smudged wall and ran my hand over it. Feelings. So much feelings inside of my head. This melody started to play again. I hummed it a few times and took some steps backwards to look at the whole graffiti.  
Suddenly my eyes focused something written on my graffiti. I was confused. What does this even mean? Someone must be kidding. I never got attention so why would someone notice me now? I made some steps forward to read the message and my eyes widened as I realized what it was about. Am I dreaming? I opened my backpack, took out a sheet of paper and a pen and wrote the message on it.  
"This is a beautiful graffiti. Sadly there isn't any tag so if you see this please call me: +82 514 514.  
~Honey"  
~Changkyun~  
This message lifted my mood and I stood in front of my graffiti super excited to meet someone. But soon I realized a big problem. I can't call this person and I couldn't write a SMS because it's a landline number. Even tho I got a smartphone I couldn't contact the person. After some minutes of thinking, I took out a Sharpie and wrote something on the wall again.  
"I can't call you, sorry. What about meeting in front of my graffiti. Next Wednesday (06-17-21) at 5 p.m.?  
~Kyun"  
The next days gone by so slowly. It was like a torture to wait so long. Every day after work I walked to my graffiti but there wasn't any answer written on the wall so I simply decided to come there every day until it's Wednesday. It was hard to wait. But somehow it gave me strength and made me believe that I'm not worthless. It was the first time someone tried to contact me outside of work for almost 3 years now. I was excited. And soon the day came.  
It was warm as I left the office at 16:45. The sun was shining. I walked to the side street and waited in front of my graffiti. There wasn't any new message written on the wall. Maybe the person only visited this town once and couldn't come back to this place? I waited and waited. It was almost 6 p.m. but no one came. Some raindrops made their way on my body and a few moments later it was pouring so I started running to my apartment. 6:15. I sat on the couch and thought about calling the number. But what should I say? Would he even understand me?  
I took my phone and typed in the number I noted. My finger hesitated, but somehow I managed to press the call button. I was super nervous. I activated the speaker and watched my phone display. A few moments later my display told me that the person answered the call. At first I said nothing but after a while I managed to say something.  
"Hey, here's Changkyun. You left a note on my graffiti and I wanted to meet you. I'll wait for you tomorrow at 5 p.m. in the side street in front of the graffiti. Bye!"  
I hang up. I wasn't even sure if the person understood everything I said because I was so nervous and maybe I misspelled some words? Fuck. Anyways I packed my stuff for tomorrow. This time I put two pens and some papers into my bag. Normally I only carry one pen with me. After brushing teeth and changing cloth I fell into my bed. Beep sounds again - or should I say always? Every time I calmed down I realized them more and more. It was disturbing but somehow I managed to fell asleep.  
The next day maybe was the first day I woke up with a smile on my face for the last few years. After I finished my morning routine I walked to my office and did my job like always. Waiting for the clock to tell me it's time to leave felt like an eternity. Somehow the eternity ended and I walked outside the office. It was 5 minutes before I was supposed to meet this person. How can 5 minutes last so long? I was about to scream out of excitement but managed to stay calm.  
I stood there, waiting for someone appearing in the side street, I didn't even know who. Is it a woman or a man? Honey... It sounds like a nickname for partners. But if someone is calling themselves honey I guess it must me a woman. I mean which man would call himself Honey? Is the person small or tall? According to my first conclusion she must be small. Almost every Asian woman is small. Right? What if she don't understand me? My head was full of questions.  
All of a sudden someone entered the side street. At first I only saw a silhouette of a person. The person came closer but I still couldn't tell if it's a man or a woman. The backlight was too bright to see something. The closer the person came the more I felt my heartbeat increase. Finally the person was engulfed by the shadow of the surrounding houses. It was a man. A tall man - taller than me - but that's easy. He wore a black leather jacket with studs, a white shirt and black pants with black boots. His hands were running through his black hair. He moved his lips but I didn't hear his voice. As he stopped in front of me he still said something. He reached his hand and I took it, shaked it and looked into his eyes. His gaze travelled to the graffiti.  
He still talked. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Fuck... I wasn't able to hear him. He stopped and smiled at me. His cheeks showed some deep dimples. Maybe the deepest and biggest dimples I've ever seen in my whole life. But it looked very cute and suits him so well. How can someone look so cute but cool at the same time? I wasn't able to say something at first so he stared at me and tilted his head a bit.  
"Uuuhm, Hi." I said and internally wanted to slap myself for this answer. I raised my finger and signalised him to wait a moment. I took out my pens and some sheets and started writing.  
I felt his confused look on me but he patiently waited for me to finish. As I did so, I turned the sheet around and gave it to him with one of my pens.  
~Jooheon~  
This guy was weird. I introduced myself but he didn't. He only shaked my hand. Instead of talking to me, he rummaged his backpack and started writing something on a sheet of paper. He reached me the paper and i looked at it and started reading.  
"Hi, my name is Changkyun. I'm glad you like my graffiti. Sorry for not talking to you but I can't hear you.  
I'm deaf."  
I looked up right into his smiley face. He looked so hopeful while waiting for me to reply. Is this true? Fuck. It's our first meeting and I instantly fucked up. I fucked up before our meeting as well. I only left my phone number here. How could he contact me when he was deaf? He really called me and tried to meet me even if it's hard for him to call and impossible to hear me.  
But somehow he managed to call me and tell me where to meet. To be honest I was so confused with this call. He only said a few sentences and hang up without a second waiting for an answer. Now I know why. I internally face palmed myself for my dumb behaviour. But how should I know? I bowed my upper body down and said "sorry." And at the same time I wanted to face palm again. HE CAN'T HEAR YOU JOOHEON! He chuckled at my behaviour. I started writing a message.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't know. Is it ok with you to write like this? Or do you prefer another way to communicate? What about drinking a coffee together?"  
He looked at the sheet of paper and only nodded with a super cute smile in my direction. He raised his hands and placed them above his ears so his palms faced me. I looked at him in confusion but as he moved his Fingers up and down I get what he wanted to tell me. I did the same move and smiled at him. He wanted to go the the cat coffee shop so we walked for a few minutes until we arrived there. It was weird to not talk to someone while walking next to him.  
Instead of talking we shared some happy expressions with each other. Damn his smile was so cute I wanted to pinch his cheeks. Finally we arrived at the cat coffee shop and entered it. Changkyuns eyes widened as he saw all the cats. His mouth formed an O. I couldn't stop looking at him. This scene was too cute. He walked to a table full of cats and sat down so I followed him and sat down next to him. At first we only ordered coffee and stroked all the cats.  
He really loves cats. I'm sure he loves Yoshi and Gucci too. I took a sip of my coffee while Changkyun was busy rubbing his cheek on a black cats head. I really don't know him but if I should guess I would say he's always shining like the sun. His smile suited him so good. After a few minutes of waiting he finally managed to took the pen and sheets out again. He struggled because all the cats were around him. I laughed. Maybe he's a cat magnet?  
He started writing so I played with all the cats around us until Changkyun handed me the paper and the pen on top of it. I started reading.  
"What do you want to tell me? Do you really like my graffiti?"  
-  
"Yeah I really like it! And I wanted to ask if you're interested in doing some graffitis together? But this time legal on a wall at my place. I'm sure I can learn a lot."  
He looked at me in disbelief but somehow excited too.  
"You know I'm no professional graffiti sprayer, right? This graffiti happened because of an accident. Tbh I didn't even remember."  
I laughed and shake my head to signalize him that he don't have to be a pro.  
"That's no problem! I really would like to be friends with you and do some graffitis together. What do you think about it?"  
When he read the words on the paper his eyes got teary. Oh fuck. Did I wrote something wrong? He turned around to face me and took both of my hands, looked into my eyes and nodded in so much excitement. His eyes were shining bright and his look said so much things. I looked at him with my brightest smile.  
Almost 3 hours were over. It's already dark outside and Changkyun seemed to be tired since he almost fell asleep multiple times while stroking the cats as he waited for me to write something.  
"You seem to be tired. Hard day of work? Do you want to meet this Saturday? I want to pick you up. Is 9 a.m. ok with you? I need your address."  
-  
"Yeah sure! Here's my address:  
Yeomchang-dong 101  
Gangseo-gu  
Apartment 126  
Im Changkyun  
Thank you for this evening. It's the first time in years to meet someone outside of work. :)"  
He ripped the sheet out of his college-block and handed it to me. I patted his shoulder and get up from my chair. Damn my ass was almost numb from sitting for 3 hours straight. But I don't care at all. It was way too much fun with Changkyun and I really wanted to meet him again. Outside the coffee shop we stared at each other and it was this awkward moment like every time you meet someone new. Should I hug him? Or is it too much? Without thinking further i stretched out my arms for him. He looked at me in disbelief but he realized that I really want to hug him after I tilted my head and lifted my eyebrows.  
He smiled and placed his head on my shoulder for a few seconds. I patted his back. His breath was unstable, I could hear it since his face was next to my ear. His proximity gave me goosebumps. What is this feeling? I released our embrace because I never felt something like this before and was a bit shocked. "Goodbye" he said with a bright smile while waving his hand. I smiled back and waved at him. Only when you can't talk to someone, you realize how much you're used to.  
I walked up to the first floor and searched for apartment number 26. It was the last door. I stopped in front of it, took a look at my watch which said 8:55 and I pressed the doorbell. A few moments later Changkyun opened the door with wet hair and without a shirt on. "Oh sorry, I was showering and forgot the time. You want to come inside?" He took my hand and pulled me inside his apartment he showed me his bed and said "sit down, I'm almost ready." And I nodded.  
I watched him walking up and down the apartment for a few times. He packed a backpack with a bottle of water, a pen and some sheets. Changkyun took the towel from his shoulder and rubbed his hair dry. I used this moment to look at his body. Damn. He looked good and had some muscles too. My gaze travelled to his hip bones which protrude out of his body a bit. It looked sexy with this indicated six pack in between. He stopped rubbing his hair and I instantly looked away - hopefully before he noticed me staring at his body. My eyes fixed a little box on his nightstand. It looked like those medicine boxes for old people.  
He needs to take medicine? Why? And why so many different pills? "I am ready!" He smiled at me and I nodded again. It still was weird to be the one who couldn't talk. He closed his apartment door and we were going to my car. We both sat down and I started driving. "How long do we have to drive?" He asked. And I lifted my hand and showed him five fingers. He nodded. Five minutes later we arrived at my house.  
Changkyuns eyes were big as he got out of the car. "Wow." He said with his mouth wide open. I opened the front door too meet Yoshi and Gucci looking at us. He couldn't help but had to cuddle both of my cats for a few minutes. As I got his attention again I showed him my house and all the rooms. It was weird to show my rooms but don't talk at all. The more rooms we inspected, the bigger his eyes became. The last room was my basement. It was a mess since I tried to change it from a wine cellar to a hobby room. But the walls are ugly. And that's exactly what Changkyun can help me with.  
I took a Sharpie and used the ugly wall to write a message for Changkyun on it. He watched me while writing and smiled at me with his brightest gummy smile.  
"I want to spray some graffiti on this walls. Do you want to help me Kyunnie? (Can I call you like this?) :)"  
-  
"I would love to! Only if I can call you Honey ;)"  
-  
"So here are some different colours of spray cans. Or do you need something else? And should I help you or do you want to do it by yourself?"  
-  
"Of course I need your help! I'm so excited! Let's start with the other walls and use this one as a communication board hehe."  
-  
"Ok Kyunnie let's start!"  
He grinned at me while holding two different cans in his hand. One was black and the other one was yellow. He lifted them up to show me the colours and waited for me to get what he was about to do. "Hahahaha Kyunnie!" I said and was sure understood me without writing it down. I imitated a bee while laughing. He was laughing too. This was the first time I heard him laughing out loud. He sounded so cute.  
The time flies like nothing since we started spraying something on the walls. All of a sudden Changkyun started humming a song. It was Chopin's Nocturne op.9. I haven't heard this song in a while. Some minutes I listened to his humming but then I realized something. Damn! He couldn't be deaf since his birth. Otherwise he couldn't know this song, right? I was so confused but worried at the same time. What happened to him? But I felt like it was too early to ask him such intimate questions. My head was full of questions but I decided to not ask him - for now. Instead I hummed with him.  
All of a sudden he turned around and faced me with a shocked expression. He walked to me and pinned me against the wall. His facial expression was completely confused and somehow scared? - like mine. I heard his breath and as he came closer to my face I even felt it. What's his problem? Did I do something wrong? "Di-di-did you say something?" He asked with a slight amount of panic in his voice. I looked at him in disbelief. Did he hear me humming? No way! This isn't possible! I mean he's deaf! Why would he hear my humming?  
His eyes full of shock stared into mine. Somehow he scared me a bit. I mean he pinned me on the wall and I couldn't even talk to him. I pointed at the wall next to us to tell him that I want to write something down. He loosen his grip so I was able to write something on the wall.  
"Chopin's nocturne op.9 right?"  
He looked at me and heavily nodded.  
"How do you know this song, Kyunnie?"  
-  
"As a child I had a music box that played this song."  
-  
"So you lost your hearing as a kid?"  
-  
"Three years ago. But now please tell me, you hummed this song with me, right?"  
-  
"Yeah I did, Kyunnie..."  
-  
"Please, please do it again!"  
I was curious too so I decided to hum this song again. He looked up at me with big eyes full of hope.  
~Changkyun~  
I couldn't hear his humming. But I am sure I heard it before! Why? What happened? I was completely lost in my thoughts once again as Jooheon nudged my shoulder to show me that he left a message on the wall.  
"You didn't hear it, right?"  
-  
"No..."  
-  
"It's ok we can try it again. What about a little break? Let's eat something."  
Jooheon tried to distract me from what happened. But it was hard for me to think about something else. I mean it was the first time in almost 3 years that I heard something different from this beep sound. The black haired guy ordered some pizza for us. Half an hour later he suddenly startled by something when he sat next to me on the couch while we watched a movie as a distraction. He grinned at me and walked to the door to open it for the delivery man.  
I had to laugh at Jooheon as he received the pizza. He's almost drooling on the bank note while paying. The door closed and he happily jumped back on the couch with our family pizza in his hands. Both of us started eating and smiled at each other with our mouth full of pizza.  
Normally I would find it weird to eat with friends and just smile at them. But with him it was different. It was a pleasant silence, because I knew that talking was difficult now. So we both ate our pizza in silence and enjoyed each other's company.  
When we had almost eaten the whole pizza we both lay on the couch and looked at each other. He tapped on his stomach and sighed. I had to laugh, and he did the same thing. Jooheon pointed with his thumb behind him towards the cellar. I knew immediately what he wanted to tell me so I nodded.   
He stood up and gave me his hand so so I could get up from the couch despite my eating coma. We walked back into his soon to bee hobby room and Jooheon started writing down something on the wall.  
"Do you want to continue your bee graffiti? :)"  
He added a little bee drawing behind his question. And I had to laugh. It was very cute.  
"This is a graffiti of my one and only friend. Of course I have to finish it. ;)"  
-  
"Let's start! I'm so excited What our graffiti looks like in the end."  
Jooheon waited until I red his last message. I looked up to him and he made little jumps while he held his hands to his cheeks and made an over-motivated face towards me. He's a little bee all the way. So fucking cute that I want to scream.  
We both continued with our graffiti and sometimes looked at each other. I tried to figure out what he was about to do but I couldn't tell at the moment. A few hours later the bee graffiti was almost finished. It turns out very good in my opinion. I was a bit proud of myself.  
I turned around to see Honey struggling with his graffiti and sometimes turning around to look at me. He looks very busy so I decided to take a short break and watch him. Honey turned around again, inspected my face and gave his attention to the wall in front of him.  
Half an hour later he turned around, showed me his thumb and winked at me. He walked a few steps aside and presented his graffiti with two outstretched arms. I looked at his graffiti. It was a wolf. I admired his talent and wanted to praise him but he was no longer standing in the same spot as before. Instead, I found him on our conversation wall, writing something. I walked until I found myself standing next to him, so I can read his message.  
"You remind me of a wolf, a very cute wolf. So I wanted to draw one. I hope you like it. :)"  
-  
"It looks so cute! I really love it so much! Thank you! >w<"  
I blushed a bit as I wrote the message and I tried to hide it from Jooheon but failed. He grinned at me cupped my cheeks in his hands, squeezed them so that I made a pout. I blushed even more so i tried to avoid his glance.  
"It's late already. How about we stop today and watch a movie together instead? I have some Ice cream and chips. ;)"  
-  
"I'd love to! Can I help you prepare something?"  
-  
"No, we can start rn"  
Honey turned around and showed me a remote control. He pressed the power button and a beamer shone on the unpainted wall. Jooheon give his attention back to the wall behind us.  
"I'm gonna go get us some ice cream, chips and drinks. You can choose the movie we're gonna watch. :)"  
I smiled at him before he left the room. While Jooheon was busy getting snacks i browsed through his netflix library and finally found a movie we can watch - Birdman. I always wanted to watch this movie, so why not today? Honey was still in the kitchen. I waited for 10 minutes now and suddenly felt a bit weird but I couldn't describe my complaint. Maybe I'm just tired? I made myself comfortable on the couch while I waited for my best and only friend.  
Jooheon entered the room with a bag of chips in his mouth, a large cup of ice cream with two spoons and two bottles clamped under his arm. It looked like he was about to drop everything on the floor but somehow he managed to put everything safely on the side table. Magic - I thought. There was no other proper explanation for this. Honey looked at me and his face turned a bit concerned as he walked to the wall of our conversations. I got up to read his message.  
"You're pale, are you okay? Do you want me to drive you home?"  
Maybe I should tell him about my weird feeling? Hmm... I decided against it because i really wanted to watch a movie and be with him for a bit longer.  
"Yeah, I'm ok, don't worry. :)"  
"So Birdman is the movie you want to watch? I've never seen this movie, I'm very excited!"  
He painted a little bee behind his answer and added a cute face on it."  
"This bee makes you competition. It's almost as cute as you. ;)"  
I painted a little wolf behind my sentences as i started feeling weird again. A bit dizzy. So I decided to sit down on the couch after I red Honeys last message.  
"Let go watch Birdman then uwuwuwuuuu ＼(≧▽≦)／"  
Honey sat down beside me and pressed the play button on his Playstation controller. The movie started but Jooheon forgot to activate the subtitles. I looked at him a bit helpless as he facepalmed with a shocked expression. I watched his mouth formed a sorry as he stopped the movie to look for korean subtitles. He quickly found them and started the movie from the beginning.  
~Jooheon~  
The movie was exciting to watch so i almost forgot time. I looked at my watch and it said it's 11 pm already. Wow the time has passed by fast. Ice cream and chips had been completely eaten and we both sat on the couch, sipping our coke and watching birdman. The movie was almost over as i noticed Changkyun's slowly falling head in the corner of my eye.  
After a few minutes he spent startling up again and again as his head dropped, he finally fell asleep and his head slowly fell onto my shoulder. The coke he was holding in his hand also stood more and more diagonally on his thigh so i decided to place it on the side table. A few minutes later the movie ended and we both sat on the couch.  
Changkyun still sleeping on my shoulder. I had to smile, it's really cute how he fell asleep on my shoulder. I decided not to wake him up so i leaned my head on his and tried to sleep as well. It didn't took long before I fell asleep too.  
"Hmmm, Noo! Mum, Dad I-I- need you! Come back!" I woke up from my sleep to see Changkyun screaming next to me. He was breathing heavily and tears were streaming down his face. Changkyun cried louder and uttered a few words that I could not understand because they were mumbled too vaguely. It took me a moment to realize that he was still asleep. He must be having a nightmare.  
His screaming got out of control and he flailed his arms around. "Dad, stop please aaaaaaaah don't leave me alone!" Changkyuns face was full of tears and completely swollen from crying and screaming. How long has he been crying? I'm a heavy sleeper so I'm not sure. I stroked his head and pressed him closer to me. I almost wanted to say something soothing until i realized that he won't hear me, right?  
All of a sudden he ripped his eyes open. It looked like he was fixing something, but I didn't know what. I turned his head to me and looked into his eyes. At least I tried. But when his gaze hit my eyes, I realized that Changkyun wasn't here. His eyes were wide open but his head was somewhere else, his eyes full of panic and tears. He still screamed so loud that his voice became croaky, it really hurt my ears but that doesn't matter right now.  
I need to calm him down somehow but i never did something like this. Fuck... Is this a panik attack? I really don't know. I cupped his cheeks once again looked into his eyes and started screaming while i shaked his head a little bit. "Hey!! Changkyun! Can you hear me?!" His panicked face gave no reaction at all. His body was very hot, his face was red and he struggled more and more to breathe.  
I stroked his head and slapped his cheeks slightly, but still without any reaction. His crying was slowly but surely fading but his breathing got heavier and heavier until i was really worried that he couldn't breathe anymore. "Hey! Kyunnie! Wake up" His eyes scared me, they were so big and dark. He not only stared at me, no, he stared right through me, like he was somewhere else. His gaze was empty and completely helpless. His eyes still full of panic and his head turned a bit blue. That was the moment, I knew he has a lack of air.  
I pulled out my cell phone and dialed 911. "Hello? Lee Jooheon here! I need an ambulance at the Lee mansion in Songpa-gu! My friend is having a panic attack and is running out of air! Please hurry!" The woman on the phone told me what to do so I tried to calm down Changkyun with her tips but it didn't work at all. He still didn't make the appearance of being present.  
~Jooheon~  
I took his hands, placed them on my chest and stared deeply into his eyes hoping to reach him. I slowly took a deep breath in and out. My mouth made movements for deep breathing to show him how to breathe normally. He needs a breathing rhythm and i really tried my best to show him but it was really hard to calm him down when he can't hear me. I did it for several minutes but his condition was the same.  
I felt helpless and useless at the same time. I am his best friend and can't even calm him down?... I really don't know how. It hurted so much to see him like this. Water is running from his eyes and his nose, his face blue, but he's still breathing heavily and sometimes he let out a loud scream like he got thunderbolted all of a sudden.  
In complete desperation I pressed him even closer to me, stroked him and put my cheek to his ear and started humming. The same song he was humming today. I knew he wouldn't hear it but maybe I did it to calm myself down until the ambulance is here? "Hmmm hmm mmm~~" i hummed into his ear.  
Out of desperation I already had tears in my eyes and all over my face as well. At first nothing happened as I started humming, but then his breathing calmed down a bit. When I realized that he calmed down, I hummed the song a bit louder. It calmed me down - and apparently him too. B-bu-but that means that he can really hear me, right? I stopped humming as his breath was a bit more normal.  
"Changkyun?, Can you hear me?" I whispered into his ear a little bit afraid. "Hmm?" he whimpered like he was gonna start crying again. "Hey, Kyunnie! Do you hear me?" I asked a bit louder this time. Changkyun started crying again "Y-yeah i can hear y-you". It looked like he didn't really understand the situation. He really can hear me! My mouth was wide open, but not a word came out. I was too overwhelmed by this situation. He really heard my words and answered my question!  
He pulled a wry face and his breathing got worse again. "Mom! D-Don't leave! Plea-" His voice crackled and he started panicking again. Fuck. I carried him up the stairs to the entrance, where we impatiently waited for the ambulance to come. I opened the door for some fresh air and hummed the song again maybe he can hear it a third time today? I was humming a few notes when the ambulance stopped at my door. I jumped up and waved at them. "H-here! My friend needs help!" i yelled towards their direction.  
Two men ran towards us. One of them had a large suitcase with him. They laid Changkyun down on the floor, but he resisted and screamed again. The doctor asked me to hold his legs up to bring the blood back to his head because it was still blue. "Sir? Can you hear me? - Sir?" One of them asked Changkyun.  
"He's deaf, he can't hear you." I added as there was no reaction from Changkyun. He didn't seem like he was gonna stop crying and screaming. One of the men measured his pulse and shone a flashlight in his eye to check his reaction and the other one prepared a needle. He looked for a vein and stinged the needle under his skin, into the vein. He removed the needle so there was only a tube inside his arm. It was hard, because Kyunnie was moving and screaming continuously but somehow he managed hit the vein nevertheless.  
It shot through my head like lightning. Medicine! "Changkyun needs his medicine! He's on medication, but I don't know what kind of!" i said to the two men. "It's okay, we need to calm him down and get him to the hospital safely before we do anything else. Don't worry, calm down. Nothing will happen to your friend, I promise." the black haired man said.  
The emergency doctor connected an infusion to Changkyuns access, like the other man commanded him. It doesn't take long until Changkyuns moves got slower and his facial expression normalized a bit. A few moments later he was quiet. "We've given him a sedative. He seems to be having a panic attack. But we'd like to check him at the hospital if that's possible. Would you like to come with us?" The doctor asked and i nodded in agreement.  
They carried Changkyun to the car, fastened the divan bed on which he rested and the other one started the engine. It took a quarter of an hour to get to the hospital. I held and stroked Changkyun's hand the whole time, to show him that I was with him. "He's so lucky to have a great boyfriend like you." The man in uniform said as a goodbye. I blushed at the word boyfriend. "Uuuh-Uhm we're not in a relatio-" I stuttered but he ignored my words and Kyunnie moved again with a still uncomfortable facial expression.  
I stroked his hands and hummed the song again, hoping that he can hear me. I walked next to him as the nurses picked him up from the emergency room and brought him into another room. "If you need something you can call us with the red button on his bed. You can stay here over the night and take care of him, if you want to." The nurse said as she closed the door. So here I was with a euthanized Changkyun next to me. At least his breath was normal again and his face colour as well.  
~Changkyun~  
My head hurts. Fuck, what happened? I couldn't open my eyes, because I was too sleepy so I tried to search for my pillow. As I moved my hands I noticed something warm cupping them. I scanned it and determined someone's hands. Hands? Whose? Who is holding my hands? Mom? Dad?  
"Aaaaahh"!" All of a sudden the headache got worse. I remembered an accident. Mom? Dad? Was it a dream? I opened my eyes to see whose hands are cupping mine. It wasn't Dad's or Mom's. I slowly found my way back to reality and tears filled my eyes. Why?  
Who is the person next to me? And why am I lying in a hospital room? I really tried hard to remember something or someone.... A black haired man with broad shoulders? Who could it be? I have no friends for about 3 years so wh- Jooheon! It's Jooheon. But why is he holding my hand and what the fuck happened?  
As I tried to get up my head aches again and I accidentally woke up the man next to me. He lifted his head from my bed and looked at me with a worried expression. He cupped my face and looked at me. He said something. It must be a question because his face told me he's waiting for an answer.  
I shaked my head and pointed to my ear. He understood and left the room. Did I do something wrong? Why did he leave? Suddenly it felt so cold around me and I was about to cry. I really don't want to be alone. I need someone next to me. All of this - I can't handle it on my own.  
A few minutes later Jooheon entered the room with a notepad and a pen to see me cry. He ran to me, his face in fear. He looked into my eyes, lifted his eyebrows and pouted a bit. He wiped away my tears and caressed my cheek for a while "T-thank you for staying with me, Honey." I said but wasn't sure he understood what I said.  
He gave me a cute little smile and showed his dimples before he focused the notepad and pen again. He wrote something on it and I tried to read it upside down but my headache did not allow me to so I patiently waited for him to finish.  
"How are you? Why did you cry? Do you need something?"  
-  
"I'm fine, I just have a little headache. I felt lonely as you left the room. Thank you so much for coming back."  
-  
"Don't worry, I won't leave you again. You take some medicine right? Please tell me the name and dose. The doctor needs to know."  
-  
"SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) 1 - 0 - 0 and some Vitamins"  
-  
"That's all? Why didn't you tell me about this? I was so worried. :("  
-  
"I'm sorry, Jooheon. I forgot to take my medicine because it was way too much fun with you. But I can't remember what exactly happened."  
-  
"You had a panic attack. Damn, Kyunnie I was so worried. You know what? From now on I'm going to be your reminder for your medicine, ok? :)"  
-  
"How did I deserve such a great friend like you?"  
-  
"You deserve the whole world, little wolf. I need to search for the doctor to tell him about your medication but it won't take me long so please don't cry, ok? But before I go I want to ask you something important."  
-  
"Ok, I'll try my best :( What is it?"  
-  
"May I cuddle you? You managed the panic attack well. I am incredibly proud of you so I really would like to cuddle you."  
I nodded and showed him my brightest smile. He cuddled me for a few minutes and stroked my back until he get up, tousled through my hair with a smile and left the room with the notepad in his hands.  
After 15 minutes the door to my room opened and Jooheon entered again, this time with some water and two apples. He handed me an apple and opened a bottle of water for me to drink. I was so thankful for all of it. We both started eating our apples. Honey used his free hand to caress my hand again.  
His dimples showed again, this time deeper. He held his hand up, pointed at himself and then at me and stroked my hand again. I suppose what he's trying to tell is that he's always there for me. I am so lucky. What would I do without him? I showed him my brightest smile and held his hand to let him know how thankful I am. After we finished our apples Jooheon started writing on his notepad again.  
~Jooheon~  
I watched him while eating. His eyes got heavier and he almost fell asleep multiple times but somehow managed to stay awake to eat his apple. As he finished his apple as well I wrote a message.  
"You should rest now. Yesterday was a hard day for you. I promise I won't leave you, ok? 🐝"  
-  
"Ok I'm really tired, thank you so much. 🐺"  
He smiled at me, made himself comfortable in his bed and closed his eyes. I still caressed his back a bit so he can calm down. As he fell asleep I noticed how tired I am so I took his hand, put my head next to it on his bed and tried to sleep for a while as well.  
I was about to fall asleep when I heard the door behind me so I lifted my head up to see a good-looking doctor. "Are you his boyfriend? I need to talk to someone but Mr. Im has no family registered here so can I talk to you instead?"  
~Jooheon~  
"Yeah sure you can talk to me, I'm his boyfriend." I lied. But the next moment I wanted to slap myself for this lie. I can't pretend to be his boyfriend just to find out more about him! What if he finds out, that I called him my boyfriend? Ugh I am so- my thoughts got interrupted by the doctor.  
"So it's not the first time Changkyun is at our hospital. I'm sure you know about that since you are his boyfriend. Three years ago he had an accident. Since then, the communication between brain and auditory canal no longer functions. He became depressed and we prescribed antidepressants and psychotherapy to slowly but surely make him feel better. He had some panic attacks before as well but this time it got out of control. Do you know why? Did something bother him?"  
I gulped at his sentences. Fuck. I never thought it would be like this... I really tried to hold my poker face but it was almost impossible. "Uh-uhm he forgot to take his medicine as he visited my place. He was supposed to take them in the morning. Maybe that's why?" I tried to explain and saw the doctors strict expression.  
"You know it's important, especially for antidepressants to take them in time!" He scolded me. "Yeah, sorry sir." I said while I looked at the ground, ashamed of myself. "Here's his medicine, please make sure he's taking them in time. Tomorrow he can go home. But first we want to guarantee that he's in good condition" The tall man said before he left the room with a "Goodbye".  
I sighed. Fuck. How would I know about that? I just met Changkyun. But I should have asked him about his medication yesterday morning when I saw the box on his nightstand. "You are so dumb!" I said to myself while hitting my head. I was really tired but I couldn't even think about sleep now that I know what happened to Kyunnie.  
I felt so sorry and I suddenly saw yesterday's events again. His eyes, full of panic and tears. His face blue and his body hot as fuck. But then I remembered the doctors sentences.  
"Three years ago he had an accident. Since then, the communication between brain and auditory canal no longer functions."  
But why was he able to hear me? I mean he even answered my question! I spent the whole morning formulating theories why Changkyun could hear me. I scribbled on my notebook and felt like a crazy professor. But at some point I gave up and drew a wolf and a bee instead.  
9 a.m. it's time for him to take his medicine. I really don't want to wake him up but he needs to take his medicine so I had to... I caressed his head and his cheek to softly wake him up. His eyes opened and he focused me.  
"Good morning, Jooheon." He smiled at me. He had trouble keeping his eyes open. His hair was all messed up and he had red cheeks from the heat under his blanket. Damn, how can someone be so cute?  
I noticed that I smiled at him for a bit too long, so I quickly turned my head to the side to give him the medicine and water. He took his medicine and looked at me in confusion. I was ashamed of my thoughts and could not look up from the ground. My cheeks were red and I wanted to hide from Changkyun.  
All of a sudden I felt the back of his hand on my forehead. "Are you sick? Your face is red." He asked me, worried. Fuck. His hand on my forehead made me blush even more. I shake my head and smile at him with my tomato-like face. Fuck, what's wrong with me?  
I wanted to hide my face so I buried it into my arms on his bed and pretended to sleep. I heard him silently laughing because of my weird behaviour. A few seconds later I felt his hand on mine. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! I blushed so hard. WHY?! I mean I used to hold his hand like all the fucking time so why am I blushing so hard right now?  
I buried my face deeper into my arms - if that's even possible - and stayed like this for a few minutes until I heard a little snoring from Changkyun. I looked up to meet his open eyes. Di-did he really clowned me?!? "Caught you." He smirked at me devilish. Fuck. I laughed awkwardly and hit his shoulder before I buried my head into his duvet.  
He laughed out loud and somehow his laugh was infectious. I had to laugh too. He took my hand again and caressed it. This time he closed his eyes and really fell asleep. I did so too.  
~  
~Changkyun~  
I opened my eyes and it was already dark outside so I couldn't tell where I am. In which universe and in which century am I? What is my name? My brain slowly started working and I remember what happened. I looked next to me and saw Jooheon's fluffy hair in my bed. He's still here. I blushed as I realized that he's still holding my hand.  
His face was almost completely covered by his black hair. I brushed his hair to the side so I could see his face. I've never seen cheeks that big in my whole life. He looks so cute while sleeping. But his position looks so uncomfortable. I wouldn't be able to sleep like this. I caressed his head a bit until he slowly opened his eyes and was shocked because of my hand on his head.  
He pulled his head away quickly and looked at me with a startled expression on his face. "S-s-s-sorry." He... stuttered, right? I knew right away what he was saying, even if I couldn't hear it. His face red again. Why would he apologize?  
He looked extremely distressed. "Isn't it uncomfortable sleeping on the chair? The bed is big enough if you want to lie down properly." I tried to say and patted my hand on the free place next to me. He looked at me in disbelief. I moved a little to the side to give him more free space in the bed and smiled at him.  
~Jooheon~  
What is happening? Did I accidentally put my head under his hand? Fuck this is so embarrassing. I felt my head turning red again but thankfully it was dark already so Changkyun couldn't see me blushing in front of him.  
I was so damn tired and my back hurts from all the weird positions I tried to sleep in. I could swear the place next to him was smiling at me. Ugh I really need a bed right now. He even offered it to me, so it'll be okay if I lie next to him, right?  
I did not think about it for long and lay down in bed next to him. He even covered me with his blanket. Wow. It was so nice and warm under the blanket I loved it. I was about to fell asleep but all of a sudden he placed his head on my shoulder. "Thank you so much, Jooheon." He said and I blushed once again.  
Since it was dark I didn't care and tried to sleep because the bed was hella comfortable - not like this cold wooden chair on which I sat before. A thousand things went through my head before I finally could fall asleep next to Changkyun.  
~  
When I opened my eyes I noticed that the sun was already shining outside. Wow. How long did i sleep? i needed a little time to get to the here and now. Changkyun wasn't beside me. Where was he? HIS MEDICATIONS! Shot me in the head. I jumped out of bed to look for Kyunnie because it was time to take his medication.  
I suspected that changkyun was on the toilet, which was confirmed when I saw the red dot under the door handle. I knocked on the door and waited briefly. No answer. "Changkyun? are you in there?" I asked against the door in a cautious voice. Suddenly I heard water splashing as if water was running into the sink. When the noise stopped, i knocked on the door again. shortly after that, with a red face, changkyun opened the door to the bathroom. he was holding a towel in his hand, which he probably just used to dry his face with.  
I didn't need to ask if everything was ok. I could tell from his red, swollen face that he was crying. His eyes were still glassy when they looked into mine. Shyly, he felt caught by me. He turned his eyes to the floor. I knew nothing else to do but take him in a firm embrace and stroke his back to calm him down.  
He started crying into my shoulder, the sobbing got louder with every breath he took and so my despair grew as well. I took his hand and led him to the bed where he sat down with tears on his face. I picked up the notepad and pen and started writing a message to Changkyun.  
“Did something happen? Do you want to write about it with me? I'm always here for you when something is bothering you.”  
-  
“I just had a nightmare that reminded me of the accident I had 3 years ago.”  
-  
“You want to talk about it?”  
He showed me the notepad on which he wrote that he needed some time to write down his feelings. I nodded and gave him all the time he needed to write down what was bothering him. Meanwhile I leftakes his medicine as it is not good to take antidepressants on an empty stomach.  
When I came back with the tray in my hand, he was sitting on the bed, again with tears in his eyes. As I was approaching, two tears dripped from his eyes onto the notepad he was holding in his hands. I sat down next to him on the bed, put my hand on his chin and turned his face in my direction to wipe his tears away with a handkerchief. He put his head on my shoulder and I stroked his hair for a while which seemed to calm him down.  
A few minutes later I made him a bread with some ham and cheese and a salad leaf on top of it. I cut it into small pieces to put it into his mouth in pieces. Every time I put a piece in his mouth he smiled at me with slightly reddened cheeks.  
He was still busy writing everything that was on his mind. I handed him his medicine and a glass of water after he had eaten one of the two sandwiches. He muttered a quiet ‘thank you’ in my direction before he took the pills. After about an hour he finished writing and handed me the notepad to read it. I knew I needed tissues even before I started reading. To make it more comfortable for Changkyun and me, I lay down beside him on the bed and put my shoulder around him and started reading.  
It took me a bit of time to read everything. I had to read many sentences several times to process everything I read. Tears rolled down my pain-distorted face. I had no physical pain, but my heart broke into pieces with every sentence more and more. I tried to keep my sobbing quiet, as Changkyun - probably out of exhaustion - fell asleep on my chest while i red his story.   
“Three years ago my parents and I had a car accident when we were on our way home from a holiday in Busan. We were just outside Seoul when it happened. A truck rushed into us at full speed. It was a wrong-way driver who hit us head-on. My parents were trapped in the car, but i was able to move freely when I woke up.   
The car was full of blood. I couldn't even tell which blood stains were from whom. My father was already dead when I woke up from my blackout, but my mother was still alive. She was breathing heavily and tried to calm me down when she held my hand. All my pain disappeared immediately when I realized that I had to help. Her face full of pain and blood. My mother said something, but I could not understand her, because the only sound i could hear was a loud beeping in my ear.  
I got out of the car and almost fell down in pain. The passenger door to my mother got wedged and wasn’t able to open it. I smashed the window with my bare hand to help my mother. At that moment i noticed the ambulance right next to our car. They pulled me away from my mother to free her and also my father from the car.  
My Mother was moved to the back of the ambulance. the emergency doctors forced me to get in the ambulance as well and leave my dead father behind without saying goodbye. I screamed loud, but couldn’t hear myself. My throat hurts. I took my mother’s hand while she said something to me. I told her, that I can’t hear her and cried out of pure panic.   
My Mother died on the way to the hospital, while i hold her hand. I cried so hard, that i passed out in the ambulance and woke up in the hospital. I couldn’t remember a thing, that happened. My brain was empty and so was the room i woke up in. So many cables all over my body. All the devices around me scared me.  
A person, who was presumably a doctor, entered the room and tried to talk to me. I did not understand anything. At that moment when I heard nothing, I remembered the accident, my father who died before i could say goodbye and my mother who died while i hold her hands.  
At that very moment I got my first panic attack. I screamed my soul out of my body. The medical officers entered the room and put me on a sedative as an infusion. Shortly afterwards my vision became blurry.   
I spent 4 weeks in the hospital and then spent six months in a psychosomatic clinic where I had 1 to 1 care because according to the doctors, I was at risk of suicide. And they were right. I tried to kill myself several times, but always failed. I didn't know how to live without my parents - the only people i had contact with and talked to the most time - it seemed impossible. Of course i missed the funeral of my mother and father because i was in the hospital.  
I learned to control myself and came to the normal ward, where I also got in touch with other mentally ill people. It was good to talk to them, but i still missed my parents so damn much. After a year and a half in the clinic, i was released.   
The clinic supervisors helped me find an apartment in seoul where I could start from zero again. For half a year i only visited the psychotherapist. When i needed less psychotherapy, I started working for a few days a week. However, I never really felt accepted at work.   
I couldn't make new friends. I started work and left work to be alone in my apartment. I really missed someone to talk to, talk about my feelings, and listen to someone. Come home to some noise from the kitchen or something like this. All of this wasn’t possible all of a sudden, because my parents weren’t there anymore.  
I was desperate. I've had suicidal thoughts again lately. When I sprayed the graffiti on the wall I was about to kill myself but did this graffiti out of pure frustration instead. A few days later I was completely lost in my suicidal thoughts again so after work i walked down the street to see your message next to my graffiti. It felt like a light at the end of the dark, black tunnel. I was really happy about some attention although I didn't even know who the message was from. Days that I spent with you made me incredibly happy and gave me joie de vivre again.  
I know it sounds cheesy but that's what i feel right now. You’re the only person i have in my life. Even if i don’t know you that much, I’m so happy to call you my friend.   
🐝🐺”

The bee and the wolf at the end of his story made me cry even more. How can someone cute and innocent like Changkyun - ... no, how can anyone deserve such a fate? I couldn't stop crying and woke up Kyunnie with my sobs because my upper body was moving too fast as I tried to breathe normally.   
He looked at me with a concerned expression on his face as he wiped my tears from his face with his thumb. “Sorry” he muttered half asleep, still wiping away my tears. I hugged him tightly to show him that I would never leave his side. Now, I didn't know how difficult it was going to be.  
~Jooheon~  
“We tested all his blood values and he’s ok, so you can leave the hospital today. Here’s his medical report please give it to his psychotherapist as soon as possible. And please tell him to take his medicine in time!” the doctor said and left the room. Changkyun looked at me questioningly. I sat down next to him on his bed and showed him the report and pointed to the sentence which said that he could leave the hospital today. He tried to smile but I could see something was bothering him so i asked him with the notepad that helped us to communicate.  
“I'm gonna take you home, okay?”  
When he read the message his smile dropped and he looked lost.  
“You dumbass, I told you I'm not leaving you alone! We'll get some of your things and then we'll go to my place. You're staying with me for a while from today on. So please smile again, i hate to see you sad!”  
He looked at me in disbelieve but when he realized I was serious he looked at me with a huge grin and hugged me so hard that we both fell back into bed. I let out a little screech as I fell back. Changkyun still hugged me so i stroke his head a bit. We sat back down to pack our bags and left the hospital. It is not far from the hospital to Changkyuns Apartment by bus, so I walked towards the bus stop. When we arrived there, Changkyun looked at me in horror and pulled me away from the bus stop like a little child.   
That's when it occurred to me! He is probably afraid of trucks and don’t want to take the bus! There he stood, his hands rolled up in the oversized sweater, his head pointing to the ground in shame. I took one of his hands, intertwined it with mine and started walking. After a few meters i turned around to check on him. The fear was blown away and replaced by red cheeks. It wasn't until I saw his red cheeks that I realized what I was actually doing. I hold his hand! Oh god Jooheon pull yourself together! My cheeks also turned red and I pulled my hand away from his and looked at him with an apologetic look before turning around and walk to his apartment.   
It didn’t take long before i felt his hand on my arm. He looked at my hand and slowly lifted his head with a little pout. His cheeks were still red when he begged me. I smiled at him, took his hand and we walked hand in hand to his home. On the way we stopped sometimes because Changkyun was afraid of the fast trucks on the street. His hand became a bit sweaty and his eyes watched the traffic carefully.  
Half an hour later we arrived at his apartment. He opened the door and started packing a few things. I sat down on his bed and waited for him to get ready, like i did two days ago. He looked very busy with packing his stuff so i used the time to look around in his apartment. Everything was very simply furnished. It made a cold impression on me. There were no pictures with friends or family hanging on the wall and no decoration at all.   
I almost felt a bit uncomfortable in his apartment. It had nothing personal, no expression and it made me sad to know that Changkyun lived here for at least a year - alone. As my head continued to swivel, my eyes caught on his bedside table. It contained the medicine box that Changkyun had forgotten last time. I picked it up to put it in his bag that he was packing. Before I moved away from the bedside table, i noticed a small music box. I probably never would have noticed it but it was the only decoration in his entire apartment. I picked it up and turned the lever to wind it up. It was the same song Changkyun was humming while spraying graffiti.  
This must be the music box he told me about. I turned around to him and proudly showed him my two finds. He accepted both with a grateful expression on his face and put them in his pocket. He closed the zipper of his bag, lifted it up and pointed to the right with his thumb in the direction of the door. I nodded and we made our way to my place - by foot.   
To get to my house we walked through downtown and up a small hill. It took us a while to get to my house but I did not want to leave Changkyun alone to get my car and taking the bus was not an option at all. The intimidated almost anxious look at the bus stop at the hospital was enough for me. I wanted to keep everything that triggers him away from him to protect him.  
I took his bag and with my free hand I grabbed Changkyun’s hand which I let go only briefly to unlock the front door. We went up the stairs and I led him into the guest room where i put his bag on the couch. Because i watched him packing earlier i saw what he packed so i opened his bag and took out a pair of sweatpants and a wide t-shirt and handed it to him.  
He should rest a little after the long walk to regain his strength, so I wanted him to get some sleep in comfortable clothes. I assumed that he would change in the adjoining bathroom but he simply exposed himself to the underpants right in front of me, which made me turn bright red. I turned around and cleared my throat in panic.  
When I turned around again Kynnie was no longer standing in the same spot as before. He stood in front of the cupboard instead and looked inside. The look on his face told me that he could not find what he was looking for. He pointed to my clothes and then to his and I understood immediately that he wanted me to change my clothes as well to feel more comfortable. I smiled at him, showed him a thumb up and disappeared briefly into my room to change. When I came back into the guest room, Changkyun was already sitting on the bed, wrapped in the big fluffy blanket.  
~Changkyun~  
I patted the bed next to me in the hope that jooheon would sit down next to me. That's what he did a few seconds later. the bed was sinking under his weight and I was sitting at an angle, struggling to not fall into his lap. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close to him. He used his free hand to rub through my hair with his knuckles.   
Then he grabbed both my shoulders, turned me in his direction and made a sleep gesture with his hands. He wanted me to lie down. When I thought about it, I realized how tired I was from the whole day so i did what he wanted and lay down. He covered me and stayed sitting next to me and stroked my head a little. His hand on my head calmed me down so much that it didn’t take long before I fell asleep.  
As i woke up again it was already dark outside but the door to my room was opened a bit so some light came in. I sat up and rubbed my eyes before i stood up and walked out of the guest room. A good smell lured me into the kitchen, where i watched Jooheon cooking some food. He was so busy with stir frying something in a wok, that he didn’t notice me. I didn’t want to startle him so i knocked on the doorframe and waited for him to look up at me.  
He turned his head around and smiled at me with the warmest expression i’ve ever seen. I blushed a bit because he was really cute. One of his hand showed me where to sit on the table, so i sat down and waited for Jooheon. A few minutes later Jooheon placed a plate with rice and some vegetables in front of me. This time I was the one who almost drooled because it smelled and looked so good. Honey sat down in front of me and started eating from his plate. I did so too.  
The portion was bigger than expected I fought with myself to eat everything. As I finished the plate I leaned back into the chair and let out a loud sigh. It was hard to breathe because I ate way too much food. But it simply was impossible to leave some food. Jooheon placed the plates in the sink and took me by the hand to lead me into the basement, where his hobby room is. He showed me some notes sticked on our communication wall. As i looked closer i recognized our conversations from the hospital.   
I read a few messages and had some flashbacks. I am so happy to call Jooheon my friend. Never ever i had a friend like this. He stayed by my side the whole time and still does. I really want to make him a present to show my gratitude towards him. Jooheon wrote a message while i was busy with my thoughts.  
“I’m a bit tired and want to lay on the couch for a little bit. You can join me or you can continue your graffiti, if you prefer that.”  
-  
“Ok, I’ll do a second graffiti next to my bee graffiti. :)”  
Jooheon laid down on the couch and watched me spraying on the wall. I hummed my favourite song again and he joined me. My hand with the spray can fell down, just like my chin. Wait. H-he joined me! I heard his humming again but i was to afraid to turn around. I was too afraid to suddenly hear him no more, like last time, so I tried to hum and listen to his humming. His humming sounded wonderful. My eyes filled with tears and my humming crackled. My throat hurts. How is it possible? Why can i hear him?   
I could not suppress a sniff. My humming merged into crying. Warm tears streamed down my face as i listened to Jooheon, who still hummed the song. It seems like he hasn't noticed me crying yet, so I stayed like this and just listened to him. But suddenly his humming grew louder until i felt him hugging me from behind, his head rested on my left shoulder. He took my hands and caressed them while still hugging me. As he finished the song he opened his mouth next to my ear and i was able to hear it. I was able to hear him!   
“Stay like this. And listen to me. Just remember the melody and the words, okay?” Jooheon whispered into my ear. He knew what was going on. He knew that I was able to hear him so he started singing a song right next to my ear. I got goosebumps as I listened to his beautiful voice.  
♪ 𝐵𝓎 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒, 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓎 𝒷𝓎 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒, 𝒷𝒶𝒷𝓎 ♪   
At this moment I was glad that there was no such proverb like ‘blinded by beauty’ for ‘too beautiful voices that make you deaf’. Cause I'm sure I'd be deaf by now if this was possible. But then I remembered that I’m actually deaf. If the situation had been different I would have laughed because of my dumb thoughts but I was still crying in streams.   
♪ 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝒹𝒶𝓎 ♪  
♪ 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 ♪  
♪ 𝒮𝑜 𝒾𝓃 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 ♪  
♪ 내게 사랑을 알려준 네게 정말 고마워 ♪  
I was so afraid to turn around after he finished the song but I wanted to see his face, hug him bury my face into his shoulder and cry my eyes out while listening to his voice. I freed myself from his grip, turned around and looked into his face.   
~Changkyun~  
“Let’s sing together, your voice is beautiful Kyunnie.” he said. I still heard his voice clearly as he asked me to sing with him. Tears rolled down my face as i nodded in excitement. He started singing and I tried to support his voice with mine. It sounded so beautiful. We found ourselves in a completely different world when we sang together. Our voices completed each other perfectly. I really want to stay in this moment for the rest of my life.   
But reality kicked as our voices slowly faded and a familiar sound returned into my ear. I tried to sing with him, while I looked at his lips but his voice was gone, like mine as well. Only this deafening beep sound. My smile disappeared as tears ran down my cheeks, my face distorted out of pain. Again, no physical pain. Pain that only existed in my mind. Endless pain.  
It broke my heart to watch him sing but not to hear his voice. I sank to the floor and cried loud. Even though I couldn't hear it myself, i knew it was loud. My throat burned, my body shaked, i was a total mess. Jooheon lifted me up and carried me to the couch. I curled up into a ball. He sat down behind me, wrapping his legs and his arms around me and we stayed like this for a while. I noticed his body shaking as well. He was crying because of me.  
It doesn’t take long till I felt his warm tears that my shirt absorbed on my skin. I make him sad and even make him cry. What kind of bad friend am I? I should be ashamed. He gives me everything and all I can give is disappointment and tears? I felt so bad, I wasn’t even able to cry at this point. I turned around, wiped away some tears with my thumb and caressed his hair like he did several times. He smiled at me but he couldn’t hide the pain in his face.  
~Jooheon~  
It took a little time to process what happened a few minutes ago. He heard my voice and it was the first time i heard him singing, not only humming. His voice is so beautiful and our voices fit together perfectly. I was overwhelmed by my feeling. Seeing Changkyun crying like this made me so indescribable sad. A few minutes passed while he caressed my hair but I decided to leave him a message on the wall again.   
“Thank you, it was unbelievable beautiful to sing this song for and with you. It’s a song I wrote.”  
\-   
“You song is so beautiful, I love it. It’s my new favourite song, Honey. I’m sorry for making you cry. It was just a bit overwhelming.🐺”  
\-   
“No Problem, I felt the same. I'd really like to know why you suddenly hear something and then you don't. I’m really exhausted from all this. What about going to sleep, Kyunnie?🐝”  
-  
“Yeah, sounds like a good idea, I’m tired as well.”  
We walked upstairs he accompanied me to my room but left me alone. I took my medicine, brushed my teeth, used the toilet and laid down on my bed. I felt lonely. How am I supposed to sleep alone after all this? I stayed awake for at least an hour, only thinking about what happened before. I felt guilty for making him cry. So damn guilty. He deserves better. I decided to apologize, so I left my bed and walked to his room. The door was open slightly. As I peeked through the opening I saw Jooheon sitting on his bed, rolled into a ball, crying.  
I was about to collapse when I saw him like that. This is all my fault. He’s crying because of me. I couldn’t take it anymore so I walked back into the guest room, took my bag walked downstairs and left his house. As I closed the door, I whispered a silent “sorry” before I disappeared in the dark of the street. I felt numb. That's exactly why I never had friends after my accident, I’m dragging them down with me when they try to pull me out of my black hole of depression.   
The city lights were shining bright as i walked downtown. I took a little detour to calm down a bit before I went home. But is this even my home? It don’t feel like this at all, more like a prison. A prison out of my own feelings. I turned the key in the lock to open the door to my dark apartment. I hate it. When I entered the room I lost all feelings. I was completely empty inside, even my face had no expression. Slowly walking, I made my way to the cold furniture, which i did not want to call bed, after i left my bad on the entrance.   
I laid down on this cold bed, rolled up to a ball and stayed like this in the hope of falling asleep as soon as possible. I wanted to dream about Jooheon. Dream about how he is happy without me. It hurts, but it’s better this way. I don’t want him to cry because of me. I simply should have ended my life at this day instead of drawing this dumb graffiti. I really hated myself for all of this. In my head I thought of ways to kill myself, like i always used to do while lying on this bad excuse of a bed. After what felt like an eternity I managed to fall asleep despite my loud thoughts.   
A sunray tickled my face as I woke up in my bed. My face felt swollen like a balloon because I cried myself to sleep yesterday. I didn't even know what time I'd finally fall asleep, but that didn’t even matter. I dangled my feet from the bed before i stood up, brushed my teeth and walked out of my room. Should I wake up Changkyun first or make breakfast for us? I decided to lure into his room to check on him. Maybe that was just a bad excuse and I wanted to see him sleep again.

I opened the door to his room a bit but his bed was empty. Maybe he was in the bathroom? I entered the room to knock on the door to the bathroom. Silence. “Changk-” I wanted to slap me for this. Is it really this difficult to remember that he’s deaf? I pushed the door handle down and entered the bathroom. No one. I searched for Changkyun in every corner of my house but he wasn’t there. 

I panicked. What if he harmed himself? Without changing my clothes I left the house to look for him. The garden was empty as well. I walked all the way to his apartment but I couldn’t find him on the way. It was time for him to take his medicine so I decided to press the doorbell. But how is he supposed to hear the doorbell? I was worried that even if He’s in his apartment he can’t hear me ringing the doorbell. Then I remembered he noticed the doorbell as I pressed it for the first time as well so I just gave it a try.

~Changkyun~  
The blinking light of my lamp even woke me up through my closed eyes. My doorbell never failed to catch my attention. Even if I’m used to this doorbell it’s still weird, because I know how the normal doorbells sound and work. Back when I haven’t lost my hearing, I never thought about how deaf people notice a person on their door. But now I know. It’s a light signal. It took me a few moments to realize that I was asleep and someone rang my doorbell. I wonder how my doorbell looks for my neighbours. They must think I’m partying hard in my apartment. But wait, can I even call it a doorBELL? I mean it’s not ringing or something like this... I had to grin at my own dumb thoughts.

Painstakingly I tried to get out of my bed and somehow managed to stay on my own feet. My vision was still blurry as I walked to the door to my apartment. Without thinking twice I opened the door and wanted to close it in an instant as I saw Jooheon on the other side. Suddenly all the memories from yesterday came back to my brain. The first thing I did intuitively was to stare into his face, checking on him. His face still swollen like a red balloon. All of this because of me? It broke my heart so see him like this. For a short time I evaluated if I should let him inside or if I should close the door as fast as I can and never open it again.

But Jooheon was faster. He opened the door completely. His face was empty. I couldn’t even tell if he was pissed, disappointed or sad. All of it, perhaps? He pushed me aside, closed the door behind him, turned around and hugged me. And this long hug once again showed me how much I love Jooheon’s proximity. I know, it’s a short time since we are friends, but he is the only reason for me to go on living. It sounds weird, even to myself, but the way he’s looking for me, the way he’s giving me all the attention I never had the last few years and the way he always try to make me smile, makes me feel so special to him. 

It seemed like he never wanted to stop hugging me so I broke the hug as I felt a bit uncomfortable since I woke up a few minutes ago. He placed my hands on his shoulders and asked me something. I shook my head because I knew he wanted to know if I could hear him. He sighed visibly, took my hand and walked into my room, that was still a total mess. The bed was ransacked, the windows were covered and my clothes were laying on the - wait. 

W A I T. Oh my god. This is so embarrassing! I opened the door wearing NOTHING AT ALL! I EVEN HUGGED HIM…. N A K E D! MORE than a short hug between friends! And I’m still naked! Fuck! I rushed to my bed to cover my body with my still crumpled bedspread and looked at him in panic while apologizing with some hectic head bows. He chuckled at my behaviour and wiggled his eyebrows to make fun of me being naked. My face stood out from the white bedspread, I was covered in, like a fire truck. 

Jooheon only smiled at me to show me that he’s not offended by my naked body. Still completely tizzy I made my way to my cupboard to find some fresh clothes for me. Well actually I would have arrived there if I hadn't decided to catch my legs in the blanket and land on the floor with a loud thud. And as if that wasn't enough embarrassment, the blanket didn't land on me, of course, but beside me, and set in scene my naked ass in front of Jooheon. Wow. perfect, Changkyun…. Could this get any more embarrassing? I decided better not to challenge it.  
~Jooheon~  
I couldn't stop laughing when I tried to help him get up again. At some point I gave up. I was too busy wheezing on the floor next to Changkyun. First I felt bad for laughing, but as he started laughing as well I couldn't hold back my loud laugh anymore. He hit me several times in embarrassment when we laughed, laying on the floor. His face was so red. If you are stranded on an island you probably would recognize him better than any SOS cover. He is so cute and I really love to see him laugh like this. I really wanted to see him like this forever.  
I straightened up as I remembered something important, the reason why ran down here in such a hurry. He needs to take his medicine! I rifled through his bag to get out the medicine box and give it to him. "Thank you" I smiled at him, stood up and filled a glass with water in the kitchen to give it to him.  
He finally managed to get dressed without a struggle. Except almost crashing into me while trying to put on his socks, standing, or better hopping on one feet. I really wanted to make some breakfast but Changkyuns fridge was empty - his whole kitchen was empty and I was worried that he had eaten nothing at all. I decided to visit a coffee shop to eat breakfast there with Kyunnie.  
~Changkyun~  
Never in my whole life I ate pancakes this fluffy. Jooheon looked happy as he stuffed as much mini pancakes as his mouth could take into it. After that we made our way to Jooheon's house. I placed my (thank god) this time covered ass on his couch in Jooheon's hobby room. Jooheon wasted no time to call my boss to tell him I won't be able to work for at least two weeks, as we discussed earlier on our communication wall. I had to smile as I saw that the wall wasn't empty anymore. All the messages and all the memories came back as I looked at the wall full of messages.  
Jooheon and I sprayed on the walls again, ordered some food and watched a movie together. It doesn't took look until the both of us got tired so we decided to go to sleep. Jooheon waved at me as he left my room, leaving me in my Pyjama, teeth brushed. I tried to sleep but I wasn't able to sleep at all. I was mad at my loud thoughts so I stood up again and looked for Jooheon. His door was opened a bit, like yesterday. I lured inside to check on Jooheon, maybe he can't sleep like me?  
The light from the corridor shone into the dark room right on Jooheon's face. He opened his eyes a little bit and muffled something but then realized that I can't hear him. He sat up, waved me inside his room to sit down next to him. He rustled to the side and hold up the blanket so I was able to crawl under it as well. He laid back down and I did so too. He threw his arms around me and spooned me like he tried to protect me from all the loud thoughts in my head. And it helped, my head was empty and the only thing I heard was Jooheon, singing a lullaby for me.  
I just listened. His voice is so beautiful. I didn't want to question why I'm able to hear him again. Why I'm able to hear at all. It was not meant to be like this but I was so thankful for whatever is happening right now. There was nothing better on this world than hearing his voice. "Please never leave me again Kyunnie. I was so scared something happened to you" he said as he noticed goosebumps on my arms from his lullaby. "Yeah, I won't, I'm sorry. I was just worried because I made you cry several times now. Please don't cry, it hurts." Jooheon nodded with a affirmative humming sound next to my ear while tighten the grip around me.  
"Let's sing our song together." I felt his lips curling up at my neck as he heard my words. He was so damn close, but I loved his proximity so much. As he moved his lips to start singing, I felt them moving on my nape. I really struggled to bring out some normal sounds. I was a bit nervous because of the whole situation situation.  
~  
♪ 𝐵𝓎 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒, 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓎 𝒷𝓎 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒, 𝒷𝒶𝒷𝓎 ♪  
♪ 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝒹𝒶𝓎 ♪  
♪ 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 ♪  
♪ 𝒮𝑜 𝒾𝓃 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 ♪  
♪ 내게 사랑을 알려준 네게 정말 고마워 ♪  
~  
"Your voice is so wholesome, Kyunnie. I want to listen to it all day." He whispered, his lips still dangerously near to my neck. "Thank you Honey, thank you for all of this." I whispered as I cupped his hands which he still used to press my body against his. Silence. I heard nothing at all and I wasn't sure if Jooheon simply said nothing or if I heard nothing. But then I heard Jooheon opening his lips like he was about to say something. But he said nothing at all. Somehow the atmosphere in his room grew weird. It felt like something is bothering Jooheon.  
~Jooheon~  
Isn't it too early? I don't know but my feelings took over and I was about to kiss his neck. I really had to suppress the urge to kiss him everywhere. I was scared. Scared of my sudden feelings and scared of my thoughts. Maybe I should have stopped meeting him, since I knew I am gay and someday will fall in love with him? I didn't expect it to happen so fast. I don't want to ruin our friendship with my emotional turmoil. I was afraid, afraid that he'll never want to see me again.  
"I'm afraid."  
I raised one of my hands to my mouth in panic as I realized I said it loud. "Afraid of what?" Changkyun asked, turning his head lightly in my direction. I congealed for a few second, not able so say something at all. I really wished to be a concrete wall right now. Inconspicuous and not able to talk but the words flooded out of my still covered mouth. I couldn't control it. "M-My feelings." Fuck! Jooheon, pull yourself together! Changkyun turned around, threw his arm around me, so my head rested on his chest. "Everything will be ok, Honey." He said, his voice vibrated in his chest, making my head vibrating as well.  
Only now I realized how big the cutout of his shirt actually is. My face was laying next to his bare chest. I blushed in the deepest red tone but thank god it was dark in my room so Changkyun wasn't able to see it. But my heart was pounding so hard that I was afraid that he felt it hammering against his chest.  
~Changkyun~  
It felt like I was hugging a stone. Maybe he don't want all that proximity? "Are you ok with me cuddling you? I have a feeling you don't like it." I said and waited for an answer, but I heard nothing. If I hadn't felt his mouth not moving against my chest I wouldn't be sure if I lost my hearing again. But his mouth simple didn't move at all. "It's ok, just be honest. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable next to me, hm?" I started peeling myself away from him to give him his free space he wanted but as I did so he put his hand on my chest and laid his leg on mine.  
"N-No, don't. I like it. I like being close to you" He said all of a sudden, making me freeze in place. Wow. This was much more proximity than a friendship should have. But I liked it. His body warmed up my cold one as he snuggled deeper into my chest. I started caressing his hair. "We should sleep now, Honey. Good night." I said because all my tiredness came back as I calmed down with Jooheon next to me. "Y-yeah Kyunnie, Good Night." I pressed a little kiss on his forehead before I fell asleep.  
~  
I heard some mumbling next to me but I wasn't able to understand what the person next to me was saying. I opened my eyes to see Jooheon lying on my chest like we fell asleep last night. He was awake and mumbled something while his hand was hovering over my chest. "Good morning." I whispered. He winced and looked up to me with a shocked expression. "H-how long have you been listening to me?" He stuttered and it seemed like he was embarrassed of what he said earlier. I really want to know what he said.  
"A while." I said, looking at him in confusion. "A-a wh-while? I-i'm s-s-s-sor-." His voice crackled as he tried to speak. He behaved like a little kid that is embarrassed. My eyes couldn't even track him because he was way too fast, lifting up his body and running out of his room. I was a bit confused. Confused because I still was able to hear him and confused about his behavior.  
After I changed my cloth, brushed my teeth and put on a bit makeup, I walked downstairs in the hope to find Jooheon there since he disappeared into the neverland. I found Jooheon in the kitchen, making some food for breakfast. As he noticed me hugging him from behind to say good morning he stiffened. I laid my head on his shoulder to see his face. It was red. "Ch-changkyun? I'm sorry for what I said before. I didn't mean it like this. Our friendship is mor-...." His voice faded and I couldn't hear the whole sentence he said. Instead this loud way too familiar ear piercing sound filled my ears again.  
"Jooheon, I can't hear you." I said and he only nodded and showed with his hands that we should eat first. The breakfast was delicious - like everything Jooheon cooked until now.  
"What did you want to say before?"  
I waited for Jooheon to answer on the wall in his hobby room, which slowly filled with our messages.  
"I wanted to apologize for my words in the morning. Sorry..."  
-  
"I really don't know what you mean, Honey."  
-  
"Our friendship is more important so please forget what I said, ok?"  
-  
"More important than what?"  
-  
"Changkyun... Please don't do this to me, I'm embarrassed ok? My feelings take over, but I swear I didn't mean it like this ok?"  
-  
"Jooheon, please tell me. I want to know what is bothering you. Is it the same thing like yesterday evening?"  
-  
"You haven't heard what I said?"  
-  
"No, i don't think so. But I really want to know. Please tell me."  
~Changkyun~  
He didn’t answer my question and it’s been a few hours now. He is obviously avoiding me and can’t even look at me. We both sat on the couch staring on the wall in front of us. I looked out of the corner of my eye to see Jooheon struggling with his thoughts and suddenly he slapped his hands on the side table, stood up and walked to the wall, taking a sharpie.  
“Do you remember the song we sang together?”  
-  
“Yeah, why?”  
-  
“It wasn't just a random text.”  
He looked at me, scared of the next sentence. His hands wobbled as he tried to write the next sentence.  
“I lo-"  
Jooheon threw the sharpie, he used seconds ago, onto the ground with a frustrated expression. His hands rubbed over his face, up to his hair, where he buried them in uncomfortableness. The sentence he wanted to write wasn't finished and I couldn't tell what he want to say. Then suddenly he turned around to face me, came closer, a bit to close. I took a few steps backwards until my back faced the wall behind me. Jooheon followed me.  
His gaze was pinned on my lips, which led me to lick them. He mumbled something and I was sure he apologized. I wasn't even able to think about the reason for him to apologize, when I felt his lips on mine. He cupped my cheeks and slowly moved his lips against mine.   
I started moving my lips as well. As he noticed, he pulled me closer into the kiss. I opened my mouth a bit so he can put his upper lip between them. Our lips were getting wetter with every move we made. Jooheon's tongue runs over my lips as he asked for entrance. I opened my mouth more to allow his tongue to enter my mouth. His warm tongue touched mine and we lovely started moving them against each other.  
First slow moves but they developed into fast and hungry ones. We definitely lost ourselves in the kiss. But I still wanted more so I grabbed his collar and turned him around so his back was pressed against the concrete wall, which was still warm from my body.  
I pinned him against the wall with my whole body and moved my tongue more harsh to gain the upper hand. But what I didn't expect was, that he tried to fight my dominance. I slammed my hand on the bare concrete wall next to his head. And somehow I was able to hear his whimper before he gave up and left the dominance to me.  
I sucked on his bottom lip one last time before I opened my eyes to look into his teary ones while I moved my head back to a regular position. I turned around, bend down to pick up the Sharpie. The tip of the marker ran across the wall and completed the sentence that Jooheon wanted to write for me.   
"I lo-ve you"  
I threw the marker on the ground like Jooheon did a few minutes before, turned around smirked like a Cheshire cat and kissed him. This time with much more passion. A few moments later I let go of him, wiped away his tears with my thumb and kissed his forehead.  
"You love me?" I said while I caressed his hair. He did not dare to raise his head. He only only nodded in tiny. "Hey honey it's ok. You know what? I love you too." He lifted his head with a pout and his still teary eyes and stretched out his arms a little bit to hug me.  
I took his hands took them around my neck and pulled him closer on his waist to kiss him once again. We both happily smiled in the kiss. It was an indescribable moment for us and especially for me.   
~  
After this, I never lost my hearing again. We visited several doctors, who all told me that I lost my hearing due to my severe depression and the shock after the accident. They referred to it as a kind of trauma that affected the physical functions. There were still days when I felt uncomfortable but as soon as Jooheon was by my side I forgot everything. I gave up my apartment to live with him. We have been living together happily for three months now.  
“Hey Kyunnie! Can you please help me?” I heard Jooheon say from across the room while he struggled to built together our new sofa. After we were finished, we sat down on our newest piece of furniture, cuddled and looked at our communication wall to remember all the things, that happened a few month ago. “We leave this wall as it is forever, right?” Our gazes crossed before he nodded with a huge smile and gave me a kiss on my cheek. “Sure.”

**Author's Note:**

> The story turned out completely different than I had originally planned. I couldn't identify myself with it anymore as I'm more of a crackhead but I still wanted to finish this story - even if I don't like it that much myself.  
> ❤️Thank you so much for reading. ❤️  
> ❤️I hope you enjoyed it.❤️


End file.
